Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Seen and heard

Lexie as she is crying.... "I have to wipe the water out of my eyes Mama".
Me to Cameron... "Cameron honey those shoes wont fit you".
Cameron..... "Yes my are".
My friend Amy after not seeing me for months..... "Dude! You are hella skinny. Look at your face".
Some random girl I went out with..... "You are a little too thick for me". Ok then see above bitch!
Lynn.... "Am I stupid Denise?"
Me to Linda.... "I swear my mom keeps buying Lexie yellow clothes, you know I hate yellow".
Linda...... "Your'e not the boss of yellow Denise, just because you don't like it".
Me.... Fuck off! "
Me to Mrs. Kravitz.... "This might be a stupid question cuz your'e old and all but do you have any tampons?"
Mrs Kravitz..... "No dear I sure don't and I don't know anyone around here who bleeds".
Me to Conner.... "So your'e ok that L has moved in?"
Conner..... Big grin on his face. "Yeah it's fine, but Mom! She girled up our bathroom!"
Anne my daycare provider to Cameron..... "Dude you are so not going to the dog groomers with me dressed like that". (He was wearing a shirt, his swim trunks, and Lexie's pink tutu.
Some random dude who happened to be at the Glass Turtle.
"Uh in like a beavis and Butthead voice..... "Hey I wan't some food".
Me.... "Well then you might want to go order some".
Random dude.... "Your'e not the cocktail waitress? Your'e hot enough".
Me after having lunch with the ex's new gf.....
"So who put and ad on Craigslist?"
The gf.... "He did, and I answered. I needed another fuck buddy'. All righty then.
The ex... "L is worried that we might get back together".
It was all I could do not to throw up in my mouth a whole lot.
Me.... "Oh right, cuz that will happen. Hello.... you have a dick and I dont like those".
The ex..... "Well not the real ones anyway". All righty then.


  1. These are real conversations performed by professionals. Please--do not try this at home.

  2. Oh my god, those had me laughing out loud. Not good at work....

  3. You ARE NOT the boss of yellow. Get over it, already.
    I still can't believe that Danny's girlfried made that "reference". Such class....

  4. I am the boss of yellow! Watch... Now you will buy me something yellow. I'll shut up now. As for the G.F.... Yeah can you say ghetto much? I am sure there is much more to come for us to laugh at. Hahahah.


Come on, You know you want to talk smack.