Friday, April 24, 2009

Karma..... It is my religion

As much as having a standing membership at my church. The church of the ocean that is. I pull up a pew made of sand, kick my flip flops off and give thanks.
I thank whoever is in charge for my children, my friends. Oh, and for not having me run over by a car while on the phone with one of my friends. (Linda and I always joke about that).
Last year on my other blog I posted this. Go ahead and reminisce. I'll wait.
I've said it before. I am a huge believer in Karma. I live by it. I believe all of those sayings "Do unto others, Karma is everything, what goes around" etc. I Keep quotes that I like and always look for cool, inspirational fridge magnets.
Last year was a fucked up year. No doubt. But I made it through. This couldn't have been accomplished without the support of my friends and a couple of relatives.
This doesn't mean that I am comfortable excepting things from people. It doesn't matter if you are a member of my posse or not. It still makes my eye twitch.
This year I'm making progress. Slowly coming along. Recently I was given the opportunity to pay it forward.
FINALLY! Something I so firmly believe in.
As I mentioned before, I received my tax return.
Most of the money is stashed away for a car, fun trips, and toilet paper.
I was however able to spread some of my good fortune around and give back to some of the people who have been so good to me.
Yesterday I took my Aunt to lunch. She always drives me around to do errands or just job hunt. Most of the time she buys me lunch. So it was refreshing to be able to say "my treat". When she goes to the casino and hits it big, she always slips me $100.00 bills.
I also gave my neighbor Mrs. Kravitz fifty dollars. She has been very good to the kids and I. She took me to do my laundry and paid for it. That was one of the times that my mom went postal on me and I disowned her for the fifty billionth time. Not to mention that she has loaned me money on more then one occasion.She may not have tampons for me but she always has tin foil.(Gotta love that).Then there's the matter of giving me a bed. I'll be forever grateful to her for that.
Yesterday a homeless man on a bike asked me for a quarter to buy cigarettes. I told him that I coveted my quarters for laundry, but that I would gladly give him a dollar. He rode off with a smile on his face. That.... made my day.
Next week my friend Laurie is coming to town, and I am treating her to lunch. She took me out two weeks ago and declared it Denise day. She treated me to lunch and a shopping spree. We had a lot of fun even if she does need to learn some wheel chair etiquette. You would think that after all of these years of operating that thing she would be better at it. I have just learned to walk far behind her and pretend that I don't know her when she knocks into shit. So next week when she comes I am declaring it Laurie day!
If I didn't help out the people who have been so good to me, I wouldn't be able to sleep at night. Trust me that's already a big enough problem as it is.
I might even buy witchy poo (my neighbor) a pack of cigarettes. She goes door to door combing through everyones ash trays. Her long ,wild hair protruding everywhere. She makes me sad. I think that someone should intervene on her behalf, turn her electricity back on, and get her the help that she needs.
Maybe when I get a car I will take her to my church of the ocean, and she can sit on a pew of sand, and gaze out at it's vastness.
Because karma is everything baby!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Seen and heard

Lexie as she is crying.... "I have to wipe the water out of my eyes Mama".
Me to Cameron... "Cameron honey those shoes wont fit you".
Cameron..... "Yes my are".
My friend Amy after not seeing me for months..... "Dude! You are hella skinny. Look at your face".
Some random girl I went out with..... "You are a little too thick for me". Ok then see above bitch!
Lynn.... "Am I stupid Denise?"
Me to Linda.... "I swear my mom keeps buying Lexie yellow clothes, you know I hate yellow".
Linda...... "Your'e not the boss of yellow Denise, just because you don't like it".
Me.... Fuck off! "
Me to Mrs. Kravitz.... "This might be a stupid question cuz your'e old and all but do you have any tampons?"
Mrs Kravitz..... "No dear I sure don't and I don't know anyone around here who bleeds".
Me to Conner.... "So your'e ok that L has moved in?"
Conner..... Big grin on his face. "Yeah it's fine, but Mom! She girled up our bathroom!"
Anne my daycare provider to Cameron..... "Dude you are so not going to the dog groomers with me dressed like that". (He was wearing a shirt, his swim trunks, and Lexie's pink tutu.
Some random dude who happened to be at the Glass Turtle.
"Uh in like a beavis and Butthead voice..... "Hey I wan't some food".
Me.... "Well then you might want to go order some".
Random dude.... "Your'e not the cocktail waitress? Your'e hot enough".
Me after having lunch with the ex's new gf.....
"So who put and ad on Craigslist?"
The gf.... "He did, and I answered. I needed another fuck buddy'. All righty then.
The ex... "L is worried that we might get back together".
It was all I could do not to throw up in my mouth a whole lot.
Me.... "Oh right, cuz that will happen. Hello.... you have a dick and I dont like those".
The ex..... "Well not the real ones anyway". All righty then.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Head knocker

My mom taught the kids a little ditty. Yes I said Ditty. It goes something like this.
Head knocker
Eye Winker
Nose dropper
Mouth eater
Chin Chopper
And.... A gitchy, gitchy, goo.
As you do it you tap on the various parts of the body that you are talking about.
I love to hear Cameron say it because he rushes through it in order to get to the gitchy gitchy goo tickle part.
But when he says it....... It usually goes like this. Eye winker, eye winker, mouth eater, head knocker, and a gitchy gitch goo.
Gotta love that redheaded kid.